I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize