it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We're too hungover to prance.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
