CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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