we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
