ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
