dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
