i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
