I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
