his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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