upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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