New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
