I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
