people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
