I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
