Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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