You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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