You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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