There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Everyone says I win the strip club
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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