Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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