I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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