Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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