so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize