you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I supernannyed him into submission
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
