He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
