You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
