He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
