dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
