good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just google imaged poop.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
