are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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