I'm lost and stupid without you.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
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