Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
it's like iHOP with fire
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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