Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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