someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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