You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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