The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
