I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
In America we eat man semen.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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