Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
