3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
