im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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