i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize