I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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