No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
