God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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