Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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