Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
