everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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