Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
foreskin is a definite game changer
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
