Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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