why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
