I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
