i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
