guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my sisters under your porch take her home
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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