Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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