First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize