You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
