I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
