she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I need to calm my uterus...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
