careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
