Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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