Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
