i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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