Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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